Letters to Wo

- what do you think?

Friend has decided that she is getting married in California but it is all too expensive!

When I got married two years ago, we had the wedding locally and the reception was also close by. We had a fantastic hen party weekend in Cornwall, but I provided the accommodation and so no-one was too much out of pocket. In other words, I was very aware of the fact that some of my friends just about get by on their wages and can’t afford to splash out too much cash. Now one of the same group has announced that when she is getting married (in about 8 months time) she is having a beach event in California. She has found a flights and hotel package that she wants us all to buy, but it still costs four figures. I can’t afford it without borrowing but I know she will be really nasty if I say I am not going. It is really annoying and I don’t know what to do. My husband says that I should ask the others in our group of friends what they think, but I know if I do it will get straight back to her. Am I going to have to just get into more debt?

Wo says: Obviously if all girlfriends were really good friends then you could talk to them openly and honestly about any problem and there would be nothing further to worry about. What you are highlighting is that sometimes others expect that friendship means giving up some independence and doing exactly whatever they want. Humour can be a good way of getting your point across. Go shopping with her and pointedly say that you can’t afford something now that you have to save for the USA. Order the cheapest thing on the cafe menu and say that you are saving money in order to go to her wedding. Say you can’t join the group on a night out for the same reason. Keep it lighthearted though, just tease her about it. Some of your other friends may join in if they are feeling the same way. She will soon get the message. If not, you really are going to have to scrimp and save.

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