Letters to Wo

- what do you think?

Is it too late to stop my best friend from getting married?

Her wedding is arranged and all of the invites have gone out. I helped her buy the wedding dress and to arrange the venue and catering, and the honeymoon is all booked as well. The trouble is, I just found out that her husband-to-be is being unfaithful, and not just a one-night stand. He is having a full-on affair with a married woman at his work. She is a secretary there and I found out because I know one of his workmates. Apparently he boasts about it quite openly. Says that he is making the most of his freedom as he won’t be able to get out as much once he is married with kids, because he wants lots of those.

Obviously I should tell her, but the implications are massive. She thinks he is perfect and you can’t suggest even a minor flaw. I once said that I didn’t like his accent and she didn’t talk to me for a week. Also, her family has spent so much money on the wedding already. It would be a massive drama if everything had to be cancelled. I reckon, even if she knew, she would find a way to excuse him. They’d have a row then still get married. I’d be the troublemaker and our friendship would be over. I did think of sending an anonymous letter but I’m no good at things like that. What should I do?

Wo says: You are in an impossible situation. Female friendships are strange things, easily derailed and hard to repair once they have a serious dent in them. Certainly if you don’t say anything now and it all comes out after the wedding and your friend finds out that you knew then you’ll still be in trouble. On the other hand, unless you have really good evidence of the affair, and you probably only have a secondhand account, then whatever you say he will probably mostly deny it. You have two options, both of them hard. The first is to say nothing and NEVER admit to knowing or even suspecting there was a problem. The second is to gather as much evidence as you can, then say something and accept that you may never be good friends again. Good luck.

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