Letters to Wo

- what do you think?

Should I tell my husband to be that I once slept with the man who he wants to be best man?

I love my husband-to-be very very much. We will soon be married if all goes well, but I have a secret that I feel I should share with him. Surely, it is a terrible thing to go into the marriage with a secret between us? After all, it isn’t as if this happened after we were engaged. This was just a drunken fling when we were on holiday together and he passed out after too much to drink. I was left alone drinking with a group of his friends and then the inevitable happened and I had a drunken grope with one of them. It wasn’t even full sex really, and I didn’t give it a second thought the next day. It was only because of the stain on my dress that I even remembered something had happened.

The man it happened with is really not that close a friend of my husband-to-be. They were more work colleagues really and so I have hardly seen him since. When I did see him he winked at me, so I think he remembers. He is such a poor choice to be best man and I was surprised when his name came up. I think it is because he is now the boss of my future husband and he wants to get in with him.

Wo says: Say nothing! If you haven’t already done so, confide nothing to your friends. Forget it ever happened and deny it if it ever comes up. After all, you said you were drunk so the man can’t really be sure exactly what you remember. You might just remember it as a kiss. If it isn’t too late, campaign for a better candidate for best man without being rude about his choice. Try and think of good reasons why another of his friends might be offended if they are not asked. Steel yourself though. He will still invite this man to the wedding and he will probably wink at you again, or worse. Just practice keeping calm and ignoring any provocation. Most men in that situation don’t want to cause real trouble. they are just indulging their rather poor sense of humour.

2 Comments on “Should I tell my husband to be that I once slept with the man who he wants to be best man?”

  • Helga


    Oh My God! Say nothing, admit nothing! You had sex with this man after you started dating your future husband. Unless you had some kind of open relationship (and you didn’t mention that you did) then he has every reason to be angry at you. What a way to start a marriage! Your only way out is to pretend that it never happened.

    • Pieter


      Speaking as a man, I’d say that you should tell him now. After all, it isn’t as if you had a long term relationship with this guy, and it happened way before you got serious with your boyfriend/future husband. If you don’t tell him now then this will hang over you for years ahead. Either you’ll get drunk or angry (or drunk and angry) one day and tell him, or it will come out in some other way. Then he’ll have two things to be angry with you about – the original unfaithfulness and also the fact that you let him have the guy as the best man.

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