Letters to Wo

- what do you think?

I am a girl in a same sex relationship and about to get married but I slept with a boy since we met!

My partner is not a prude and she knows that I have had lots of relationships in the past with people of the other sex before coming out as gay. In the early stages of our relationship we even both had brief flings with other girls and were open to each other about it. I know that the one thing that she couldn’t tolerate though is me still wanting to sleep with a man. She would see that as me denying my identity as a lesbian. In other words, it raises the possibility that one day I would start to have needs that she could not satisfy. The affair with a boy came about the usual way these things do, too much alcohol. It didn’t really matter to me that he had a penis, only that he was listening to me and being supportive. Do I keep it secret? I hate the idea of keeping secrets from her.

Wo says: The truth is always the best solution to any problem like this, but you have to be prepared for the consequences. That is, it may split you up or become a source of friction in the years ahead, thrown back at you when she thinks you are looking at a man with too much interest. On the other hand, you didn’t do anything bad so it isn’t like you are concealing anything which is really significant. There is a lot to be said for not ‘over-sharing’ things that are best forgotten about. Only you can decide which way to go with this.

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