Letters to Wo

- what do you think?

I gave up a baby for adoption when I was fifteen, should I tell my husband to be?

When I was very young I made some bad mistakes and slept around quite a lot with a group of older men. To be honest, I was not even sure which one of them got me pregnant and none of them would have wanted to marry me anyway. My parents do not believe in abortion so they insisted that I carry the baby to full term then have it adopted. I was too young, and too in the wrong to argue. I did what they said and then sorted out my life with their help. Nobody who meets me now knows the kind of slut that I was then, and I really don’t want the story to come out. On the other hand I’d really like to see my child, a daughter, again one day so I don’t like to think I could never tell my future husband about her. On the other hand, if he starts asking around about me and my bad past then he probably won’t want to marry me at all. What shall I do?

Wo says: You should not talk about yourself using terms like that. You were a child and you were abused, so you have nothing to be ashamed about. It is understandable that you don’t want the whole story to come out though, certainly while you are still quite young and vulnerable yourself. Like so many questions, there are no easy answers. One approach would be to realise that you are probably of no use to your daughter anyway until she is at least in her late teens and you are an older, wiser person yourself. Keep the secret to yourself for ten years and by then your husband to be will probably also be more mature and able to deal with the information, if he has to find out.

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