Letters to Wo

- what do you think?

My future husband once had a gay affair and he doesn’t know I know!

I am getting married quite soon and so I have started to meet more and more of my husband-to-be’s family and friends from back home. We live away from both our birthplaces as we met at university so the preparations for marriage has meant we visit his home town more often. On one trip one of his friends there said that he had been surprised to hear about the wedding as he had always thought my bloke was gay. Indeed he knew for a fact that he had been together with an older boy when he was in his mid-teens. Now my man acts terribly macho nowadays and I’ve heard him make cruel jokes about homosexual men we pass in the street. I don’t mind his past at all but I think he’d be really angry if I suggested that it might have happened. Do I just keep this to myself?

Wo says: I think you have answered your own question. Yes, there is no need to say a thing. We are all entitled to define ourselves in exactly the way we wish. If your man wants to be seen as happily heterosexual now then that is what he is. You might discourage him from making jokes about other people, though as you know this is probably in part a defence mechanism. It might also be a good idea to minimise the visits back to his home town as that is where his now inconvenient past behaviour took place. When you are married, in years to come, your husband may confide in you about his youth but you do not need to be the one to start the conversation.

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