I have just got engaged to a lovely man from my community. I have been putting off accepting for ages because I am haunted by the idea that he will eventually find out that I am not a virgin and then will hate me and tell my family. I had sex two times with the same boy when I went away on a college trip, so even my friends don’t know. I worry about asking them this question in case the gossip spreads. I have heard about people having little capsules of blood that they release on the sheets and so on but I have no idea how I’d arrange that.
Wo says: Obviously, the ideal solution is to be able to talk honestly to your future husband. If that is not possible, then be sure to lie convincingly. There is no way to tell for sure that somebody is no longer a virgin. As long as you confidently assert that you are a virgin then there is no way your husband, as he will be then, will be able to tell. Think of good reasons why you might not bleed – for example, you rode a boy’s bicycle and had an accident, or you used to ride a horse, or do gymnastics at school and ‘did the splits’, or used tampons or even that you think you explored with your fingers when you were younger and caused a cut. If he researches any of those he will find that it is a possible cause for your hymen not being in place. If your wedding night goes well though, the thought will probably never cross his mind.