We are both in our fifties and about to embark on our second marriages. I was divorced but his wife died of an illness. He says that they were very much in love, and so he still wants to keep her ashes close by, which means that he wants to keep them on a hall stand in his house with a picture of her. I feel it is unreasonable to have to live in a house where she would always be present. I also suggested moving to a new house as I also have a smaller property of my own I could sell, but he says that he wants to keep this house for his sister who lives in Canada to inherit. I worry that I will never have a marriage that is about just the two of us!
Wo says: I agree that there are warning signals here. He sounds as if he is mentally unwilling to move on. For example, presumably if he dies before you then he is expecting you to move out and leave the house free for his sister. That is not how marriages should work. You are only in your fifties, so your new marriage would hopefully last for decades and it has to be on reasonable terms. Only you can decide this, but I think you either convince him to move to a new property in joint names or you break off the engagement.